Running away sounds really good today :(

Today, i am hurt. Today, i found something out about myself that i never knew existed since i have been 'born again'. I found out that when someone doesn't 'like' me, when all i do is try to love them, welcome them, and show them Jesus, (i am sure i have done something but i haven't a clue what it could have been), that it absolutely hurts from the pit of my soul. Literally. Something about being told by your teen son that 'none of his friends like you' and 'i would be the WORST person to have more than one of (cloned)' just really hurts my feelings. Maybe it's because i am sad for my son. That he has to deal with that. Or maybe it's because it just hurts my feelings. I don't know, all i know is that i am struggling right now. Before Christ grabbed a hold of me, i had frequent thoughts of suicide. I have only had one incident since i became His and i rebuked Satan and it was immediately gone. I am not quite there, today, but really, i would be lying if i said that i am not at all at risk of dealing with that again. I hate it! It's straight from the devil. Why am i so weak when it comes to my kids? Isn't that when i am supposed to be the strongest? Ugh!!! My two oldest have told me on many occasions, "mom, why can't you just be 'normal'?" My goodness, right now, if i had a clue what 'normal' is, i would so try my hardest. However, everytime i think about it, i think that 'normal' is what the world is calling 'normal'. I have been commanded by my Creator to be 'set apart'. Maybe i am just doing it wrong?! I don't know but i need some clarity and need it fast because right now, i want to load up in my car and just drive. To where? Have no clue. I want to call the schools and tell all the kids to ride the bus. I want to tell Michael, I'm sorry, but he and the kids would probably be better off if i just disappeared. I hate this! Why am i taking it so personal? This really is just not like me. Whoever you are, if you are reading this, and you are my brother or sister in Christ, please pray!